kabir's blog

 im anxious. im so anxious. im so stressed. im fat. i've not been doing anywhere near as much as i should have. im a fraud. i dont actually do anything, i just tell other people what to do and say things that sound cool. and i am afraid now of messaging people. its so much easier to start things than follow through. when failure means actually losing something, its so much more formidable. its because its no longer just something without expectations, but now something that has expectations.  i am the one who has those expectations. its not just expectation. its that if i dont meet it, then i'm the useless piece of shit that my dad and whatever says i am. its also that the people who've rejected my funding applications have some reason to do so and they can tell somehow that i dont have the sauce or whatever is needed to actually do this stuff in a successful way.  and i can actually just fucking fail and fuck up a few times and build on it. i think i made a lot of mistak...

My father is now saying to my little sister that if you want to be a doctor, you can only sleep 2 hours a day. He doesn't care about the truth being sacred. He will lie to himself, to others, to anyone.  He has not seen the truth as sacred for as long as I can remember. He didn't hold it sacred when I was a child. Lying for any reason at all, unless he felt that there might be some consequences for it. He lied when he cheated on my mother for years. He lied when I caught him cheating on my mother. He lied when he called the police on me on false charges. He lied for silly things as well. He lied whenever he should have admitted to not knowing things. For insecurity, for ego, for convenience, for dominance, for power, for ease, for greed, for selfishness, for selflessness, for pain, for pleasure. He lied every day and still does.  I know I can become like him easily. I know I have been like him, for many years, from when I was a child to a teenager. And that I can do it again....

 Every single person I hear talking about GPT5 talks about how it was a 'flop' or 'overhyped'. How it wasn't world changing, how it didnt meet expectations, how it's not impressive, etc.  However, before it came out, I had cancelled my OpenAI subscription, I renewed it for trying GPT5 and now I don't think I'll be cancelling it anytime soon. I had used o3, o4-mini and gpt 4.5 Before gpt5, gpt 4.5 was the most impressive model for me, in terms of actually being something close to semi decent writer and actually having some useful information.  By and large, the vast majority of models have been absolutely trash at research for me, for anything expect for very general or basic stuff in fields. Anything that required actual reasoning ability - the ability to actually put things together and form new ideas from them, they would just fail at.  e.g. taking ideas from neuromorality and reinforcement learning and using that to put together a new reinforcement le...

This video is about 'the banality of internet evil'  ArtChad talks about how Hailey Welch's crypto scam was just expected and boring, that she wasn't exceptionally evil for doing so, this is the internet enabling a boring banal evil that is possible for normal people to do.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APNCB0m5ex0&list=TLPQMDQwODIwMjWfoRvqEBEnPA&index=2 However, it is far, far too repetitive. I'm 10 minutes in and the same 4 points have been repeated over and over again. And it's generally focused on pushing an opinion, rather an actual dissection.  Edit: 13:00 in - this is actually pretty interesting.  However, I think not going into the lack of legal enforcement of scams in general now is a mistake.  14:30  Also, the romanticization of the past, as if cultures without/with less internet didnt have (and still have): beggar scam rings, ponzi schemes, snake oil salesmen (both literal and metaphorical), religious scams/abuse, general corrupt...

in february i'd written this:  We aren't doing enough. We are not on track. We have too many people scared of petty things, trying to cover their own asses. We have benchmarks to measure capability progress and know we're less than 5 years from an AI that will mean the end of all human power on Earth, forever. And we still have less than $1 trillion invested in solutions to make sure the AI will have values we actually share. Or even that we'll have any real say over those values at all.  The two most powerful men in the world right now (Altman and Musk, sorry rest of humanity) are grabbing power in ways few understand. One full on in building the lightcone seizer, the other seriously trying to take over the world in a way we haven't seen for a few decades. While, of course, using the words of 'safety' in AI in a way that has nothing to do with the actual meaning. Two grand deception machines, willing to do anything for control of the lightcone, even putting...

 i'm thinkng about this fo r sos so long     ages and anges and ages  thousands of times i've thoughaat about the perrrrfect wayyy to write this.  a religion a song a research stufy haha,nt that one really a hackathon - thats real - and might actually be   WE SHOULD SURPASS AI - FUCK AI - FUCK HUMAN DISEMPOWERMENT - I WANT ACTUAL HUMAN EMPOWERMENT, NOT TOOL EMPOWERMENT