shame
shame and shame and shame and shame aaand shame aaaand sahme.
what makes me ashamed.
everything.
what makes me proud.
nothing
there is something.
it feels like a forgotten memory.
Truth
My father is now saying to my little sister that if you want to be a doctor, you can only sleep 2 hours a day. He doesn't care about the truth being sacred. He will lie to himself, to others, to anyone. He has not seen the truth as sacred for as long as I can remember. He didn't hold it sacred when I was a child. Lying for any reason at all, unless he felt that there might be some consequences for it. He lied when he cheated on my mother for years. He lied when I caught him cheating on my mother. He lied when he called the police on me on false charges. He lied for silly things as well. He lied whenever he should have admitted to not knowing things. For insecurity, for ego, for convenience, for dominance, for power, for ease, for greed, for selfishness, for selflessness, for pain, for pleasure. He lied every day and still does. I know I can become like him easily. I know I have been like him, for many years, from when I was a child to a teenager. And that I can do it again....
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